Post by midnighteclipse on Jul 15, 2008 1:08:25 GMT -5
She was my hero, even if heroes today could only be men. She could cook me and Sokka the perfect meal and still have the time to care for my tribe. I had heard that she helped the women give birth to many a child, but I couldn't believe that. Not then. That was the time when I thought babies grew on trees, or came out of the water.
But now I know better. I knew that she was the best mother anyone could ask for; and the best wife. But I took that for granted, and thought that she was mine forever and that she would never leave.
But she did. She left Sokka and I for some reason and never came back. I waited endlessly for her to arise from the snowy white hill-top hidden inside her blue parka and a smile on her face. I waited for me to run to her and give her the biggest hug anyone could ask for and kiss her like a good little girl should kiss her mom.
She never did come home. And then dad left, leaving Sokka and I behind to fend for our tribe.
How could they do that? How could they just leave us behind and never come back? Dad knew that mom's disappearance had taken a toll on the tribe- and more effectively on Sokka and me- but he left anyway!
My brother had tried and begged for me to understand why they had left, one very different from the other. But I was foolish, and still clung to the hope that my mother would come home and so would dad and everything would be okay again.
Now that I looked at what my past had created me, I was glad I was foolish. In this weird, sick way, I wouldn't have become the ally of the Avatar if it weren't for my mother vanishing from us and my dad seeking revenge. I owed them, even if one is dead, and the other is in prison...
I sighed and stared out at the night. The temple was cooler then I had thought it would, and it reminded me of when I was in the South Pole. All there was to eat were penguins and seals, nothing at all like the exotic meals we had endured through our journey.
I sighed yet again. Seals and penguins would only remind me of my mother's exquisite cooking. I tried hard to forget about her, I tried to forget about her beauty and kindness, the way she lovingly picked me up and ruffled Sokka's hair playfully after he pulled a joke.
It was then I realized that trying to forget was only remembering her. Remembering how to forget her love for us was like trying to get Aang to stop smiling. It was impossible.
It was also impossible to forget her on the night she departed this world, for today was her anniversary. I vaguely remembered thinking if Aang had seen her when he left for the spirit world that first time, but I think it was subconsciously thought, for it was quickly discarded. I didn't want that heart-tearing pain to return every time her face popped in my mind. I didn't want to have to conceal tears every time her soft voice cascaded around my thoughts and prevented me from sleeping or even eating at night.
I had always thought it unfair that I got to have those luxuries and she didn't. She didn't get to eat or sleep or feel happiness anymore. It wasn't fair.
And it was up until that point, the very point where I was hours away from dying of starvation, that Sokka had told me something that would forever change my life, and I remembered every word of what he said.
"Katara, why are you doing this? Do you think... that she doesn't like what you're doing? Have you thought that maybe you're upsetting mom?" I recalled him whispering the last part, obviously in pain. I was so physically worn that it might have slipped over my head if I hadn't been dreaming about her name for the past few weeks.
I chuckled and the fire crackled next to me. The events of the day were so confusing I could barely remember my own name. Zuko was apparently good, but I didn't believe him. His family stole my mother's necklace- the only thing I have to remember her by- and expects to be welcomed in with open arms.
I didn't know why I resented the idea of letting him in our group. Maybe because I didn't want to have to be reminded of my mother then, but now I do. I wanted to feel her silky soft hair and laugh with her. I realized that Zuko could help me with that. He could help me remember my mother...
I had been so selfish then, I wanted her to come back and I wanted to see her face again. I had even tried to kill myself to see her. But in the end, I knew that I had ended up hurting her in a way that only mother's could be hurt by their daughters. There was a significant difference between the pain of losing a son, and the pain of losing a daughter. I had no idea what it was then, and I still have no idea what it is now. And I hoped that I'd never have to feel it.
And I was selfish now. I wanted her back. It was better then having to endure the pain of leaving her behind. But I knew- somehow, someway I knew- that she would never leave me. She would always be watching me as my hero.
But now I know better. I knew that she was the best mother anyone could ask for; and the best wife. But I took that for granted, and thought that she was mine forever and that she would never leave.
But she did. She left Sokka and I for some reason and never came back. I waited endlessly for her to arise from the snowy white hill-top hidden inside her blue parka and a smile on her face. I waited for me to run to her and give her the biggest hug anyone could ask for and kiss her like a good little girl should kiss her mom.
She never did come home. And then dad left, leaving Sokka and I behind to fend for our tribe.
How could they do that? How could they just leave us behind and never come back? Dad knew that mom's disappearance had taken a toll on the tribe- and more effectively on Sokka and me- but he left anyway!
My brother had tried and begged for me to understand why they had left, one very different from the other. But I was foolish, and still clung to the hope that my mother would come home and so would dad and everything would be okay again.
Now that I looked at what my past had created me, I was glad I was foolish. In this weird, sick way, I wouldn't have become the ally of the Avatar if it weren't for my mother vanishing from us and my dad seeking revenge. I owed them, even if one is dead, and the other is in prison...
I sighed and stared out at the night. The temple was cooler then I had thought it would, and it reminded me of when I was in the South Pole. All there was to eat were penguins and seals, nothing at all like the exotic meals we had endured through our journey.
I sighed yet again. Seals and penguins would only remind me of my mother's exquisite cooking. I tried hard to forget about her, I tried to forget about her beauty and kindness, the way she lovingly picked me up and ruffled Sokka's hair playfully after he pulled a joke.
It was then I realized that trying to forget was only remembering her. Remembering how to forget her love for us was like trying to get Aang to stop smiling. It was impossible.
It was also impossible to forget her on the night she departed this world, for today was her anniversary. I vaguely remembered thinking if Aang had seen her when he left for the spirit world that first time, but I think it was subconsciously thought, for it was quickly discarded. I didn't want that heart-tearing pain to return every time her face popped in my mind. I didn't want to have to conceal tears every time her soft voice cascaded around my thoughts and prevented me from sleeping or even eating at night.
I had always thought it unfair that I got to have those luxuries and she didn't. She didn't get to eat or sleep or feel happiness anymore. It wasn't fair.
And it was up until that point, the very point where I was hours away from dying of starvation, that Sokka had told me something that would forever change my life, and I remembered every word of what he said.
"Katara, why are you doing this? Do you think... that she doesn't like what you're doing? Have you thought that maybe you're upsetting mom?" I recalled him whispering the last part, obviously in pain. I was so physically worn that it might have slipped over my head if I hadn't been dreaming about her name for the past few weeks.
I chuckled and the fire crackled next to me. The events of the day were so confusing I could barely remember my own name. Zuko was apparently good, but I didn't believe him. His family stole my mother's necklace- the only thing I have to remember her by- and expects to be welcomed in with open arms.
I didn't know why I resented the idea of letting him in our group. Maybe because I didn't want to have to be reminded of my mother then, but now I do. I wanted to feel her silky soft hair and laugh with her. I realized that Zuko could help me with that. He could help me remember my mother...
I had been so selfish then, I wanted her to come back and I wanted to see her face again. I had even tried to kill myself to see her. But in the end, I knew that I had ended up hurting her in a way that only mother's could be hurt by their daughters. There was a significant difference between the pain of losing a son, and the pain of losing a daughter. I had no idea what it was then, and I still have no idea what it is now. And I hoped that I'd never have to feel it.
And I was selfish now. I wanted her back. It was better then having to endure the pain of leaving her behind. But I knew- somehow, someway I knew- that she would never leave me. She would always be watching me as my hero.